But He Doesn't Know That We Know He Knows We Know

I think I have already explained in detail two of some of my strongest beliefs. These are of course objectivity and superpowers. But right now I'm hesitant to call these things my "beliefs." Instead, I'll refer to them as "aspects" of my life.

This article is dedicated to another aspect of my life. But the unique thing about this aspect is that I only came to realize it after I've written several entries in this blog. The aspect I am talking about is awareness.

Or more specifically, self-awareness, though that kind of gives the wrong implication as well. It's not like I was a robot and after I started writing this blog I finally developed sentience. And of course I'm self-aware as just about every human is on this planet. But that's not the awareness I'm talking about. Or maybe it is.

For example, let's take my article on superpowers. The important thing about that is not that I'm aware that I wrote it but I'm aware of just how silly it is. I understand how ridiculous I sound when I say I believe in superpowers and how asinine it is to base that faith on Superman's heat vision. But even more important than that is the awareness of people's reactions to such an comment. I am aware of how people will see and interpret the things I wrote in that article. Well, not really. There is of course no way to exactly determine how a variety of people will react to different things. But I can, like everyone, hypothesize this reaction. So what makes me different from everyone else? Short answer: nothing (at all). Long answer: Well, it all relies on the hypothesis. Science teaches us that before we do experiments, we should hypothesize the outcome. Well, before everything I do, I try to hypothesize the outcome. Over time, this leads to better and better hypotheses. At least I would hope so. Yes, the significant part is not that I'm some omniscient being (oh no I didn't) but that I try to be. I have absolutely no idea if my hypotheses are in fact getting better or if they are even remotely close to the actual outcome. But the fact that I am constantly hypothesizing, calculating, thinking is what I believe separates me from most other people. But again, I have no way to actually prove this.

Now there's two things that were just revealed in the previous paragraph. I'll discuss one of them now and another one much later in the article. It was revealed that I calculate my actions in my head. This means that nearly all my actions are planned and therefore I do not act much on impulse. This is very apparent in my mannerisms. I am neither impulsive nor spontaneous and seem rather collected. This is something that is obvious not only to myself but to pretty much everyone that has ever known me. But it's still important because there needs to be some analysis of that. How do I feel about being so un-impulsive? Unfortunately the answer is more complicated than it should be. I think I'm trying to convince myself that I'm fine with it when I'm really not. Analyzing nearly all of the possible actions I could do before I do them has strongly influenced me and is quite possibly the most significant factor in shaping the form that I am in today. In fact, I believe that my beliefs on objectivity were founded because of all this awareness and analysis. But my goal with objectivity is more than just trying to find answers. It has recently led me to believe that in order to for me to truly be objective as an individual, I need to be on the outside looking in.

Well, that was big enough to switch to a new paragraph I think. One of the reasons it is impossible to reach objectivity in this universe is because we are a part of it. Our thoughts and feelings can obtain pseudo-objectivity through a long time of thought, discourse, and research, but our actions will never even come close to obtaining this if we still want to live relatively normal lives. Basically what I'm saying now is that all of the effort I put into my awareness of situations in meaningless. No matter how hard I calculate and ponder over what has just happened and what to do next, it will not prevent my resulting action from having some kind of influence.

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Well I basically lost my entire train of thought for this article since I haven't thought about it in so long so maybe this one aspect of my thoughts isn't really important at all. But I would at least like to say that my powers of analysis are both good and bad. That sounds kind of dumb because I really don't want to put too much effort into writing this anymore. I cannot spend all of my life second guessing myself. It leads to too many missed opportunities. However, I can only reach this conclusion through my analysis. So maybe it can be a good thing. Something I can use. Something I can learn from.