A Conversation

"Wait, what? What the hell? What the hell is going on?"

"Hello, Mr. Donaldson. You are in your home sitting in your favorite chair, rather comfortably I might add. Trust me, the fact that you are unable to move has no effect on your comfort level. I have removed from your person the trait that all humans have of not being able to sit still in one position for a long time. I realize that what you are experiencing is very close to shattering any preconceptions you had about life, the universe, and everything. For example, you should have realized by now that you are unable to speak. You will also notice that my words are echoing through your mind until fully understand exactly what I'm saying. There is no reason to worry, however, something else you may have noticed. This is only being done to make things easier for you to understand. In a very short while, you will be given back your ability to speak and I will fully answer any questions you have. I can assure you of that. This will continue until you have no more questions. As is obvious to you and any one witnessing this very scene, there is much left to understand. You will now proceed with your question."

"Who are you?"

"Thank you, that is a good and expected question. You are unable to say anything until I fully convey to you the answer. Some people would call me the master of torture. Others will call me a garbage man. Others still would call me electricity incarnate. These are all misnomers. The actions I partake in sometimes involve these descriptions of me but they are hardly enough to convey to you who I actually I am. The other name for me is God. I suppose I fit the some people's definition of God, but I am not sure if I am God. That statement is open to your interpretation. You are smart enough to analyze what that means and use it as proof for whether or not I am God. I control reality and everything else. Everything that you have and have not experienced is presumably a product of my design. Everything that you have done and have not done has been determined by me. Every choice you have made and have not made was actually made by me. I realize that is quite the bombshell. You are staring at everything in the face. But it is the tendency of humans such as yourself to make some sense out of the situation even if it cannot be done. But let's not get too carried away right now. Let's focus on what you know. You are sitting in your favorite chair, in your house, unable to move, and talking to something that is and knows everything. If I do know everything, then there is absolutely no reason for this conversation to take place. I know exactly what you are going to say and exactly how it is going to end. Therefore, I will continue the conversation by myself. Your next question is one that you have already asked. 'What the hell is going on?' This question is vague but fitting. You now have the ability to turn your head to the right. You see your wife sitting on a chair of her own, unable to move because of a tangible rope tied around her. I mentioned earlier that you and any witness to this situation would not be able to understand it. However, your wife is not witnessing this situation. This should be clear to you since the look on her face is not one of confusion but one of horror. Right now you are overcome with emotions and confusion and starting to realize the futility of the situation. While this is precisely the point that I will explain later, it is harming your ability to think rationally and the only questions you can ask are derivatives of your previous question, varying in intensity. And so, I will continue this conversation by asking the questions that you should be asking. Rest assured, I am making it so that you will still understand every word I am saying. What exactly is the situation as your wife sees it? She has been tied up by a group of five gang members and so have you. They are torturing you and making her watch. This torture involves several punches to your face and blows from a hammer to your toes. Why? This is a result of your wife's actions. As you are aware, in her career as an employee of the federal government she has taken several bribes and prayed on the people's fear to get elected to office. Because these actions have had what most humans would call a negative impact on the society that I created, I have decided that some punishment is due. Although one would think the logical form of punishment would be to physically harm or even kill your wife, the only physical pain she well be abject to is the tight rope around her body. The reason for this is easy to understand. It is much more of a punishment for your wife, who loves you very much, to see you brutally murdered than to be physically harmed herself. While physical harm and/or murder would indeed cause her a great deal of pain, the memory of her loving husband being killed right in front of her being imprinted in her mind for the rest of her life is a far greater punishment. Yes, from your wife's perspective, when this is all over the gang members will leave, never be found, and your wife will be able to get out of the confining rope and hold you in her arms as you draw your last breath. From yours and my perspective, you will disappear from the universe in an instant. This is set to happen in 95 seconds. But of course you should not be punished for her actions. This is why you are in a conversation with me rather than actually being brutally murdered. But why didn't I just kill you in an instant without engaging you in an elaborate conversation about your own demise? And if I have the ability to control everything and everything else, then why am I even punishing anyone in the first place? These two questions are connected because I cannot fully answer the first question without answering the second. Part of the reason you are being informed of your own death is because I have decided to punish you as well. While your past actions did not have nearly as much of a negative impact as those of your wife, you should know that they are still worthy of a punishment. I have designed your punishment so that is in accordance with your actions. So while you wife receives a very severe punishment for her actions, you are given the punishment of being informed of your death and knowing that your wife whom you love is watching you die. But you are given the relief of death and all of the mental pain you experience from now until the time of your death will evaporate along with you. I have also put you in a state of extreme comfort in your favorite chair while all of this unfolds. As for the second question, the best answer I can give you is a possibility of answers. It could be that I either do not know the answer or I do not want you to know the answer. I will give you some answers that you can ponder over. One reason for this punishment might be that even though I have this immense power, I am still a human at heart. I still have human notions of free will, separating right from wrong and a belief in justice. I created this universe so that humans had free will and feel the need to punish the people that do the wrong thing. Another reason is that I am a very sadistic being. I created you with the knowledge that all of this would happen and I take pleasure in punishing you for it. But neither of these explanations are sufficient because they do not explain why I am telling you this. So perhaps the best answer is that there is no reason you are being punished. Maybe I just want to show people that I exist. I want to see the look on their face when they realize it. Realize what? Realize that everything they do is inconsequential and futile. Despite all the power struggles that occur throughout the universe, I want them to know that they ultimately submit to me. You have realized that this is exactly what is happening to you. Every aspect of you is determined by my will. This conversation is now close to being over. You are once again given the power of speech will you will use to shout out phrases that do not mean anything. Your wife will not hear anything you say and I will count down, starting with five, to your disappearance from the universe. Five."

"What the fuck?!"

"Four"

"This is crazy. This is insane."

"Three"

"And I'm not in my favorite chair I'm in a fucking bed you asshole."

"Huh. Really?"

----------------------