I'm Afraid I'm Just Too Good

"You're so modest!"

"Well, my favorite band is Modest Mouse."

That would be my answer to the hypothetical statement I made (you know, at the beginning of this article, not the title). Would this statement ever be made about me? I would think so, since I think I am a modest person. Because my favorite band is Iron Maiden.

However, as much as I'd like to think that I've used this exact phrasing to start so many sentences in this blog, I'm not so sure if my modesty is because I am a nice person. I think it has more to do with me being unable to handle the pressure of being proud of myself.

This is not the same as being afraid of failure. I will not hesitate to do something because I am afraid of failing. It is more of a result of me being uncomfortable in every situation where I was shown to be really good at something. Bare in mind these situations are very rare so there's another reason for my modesty.

At some point in time, I lost all will to be competitive or ambitious.

Anyway, I'm just uncomfortable at being good at something. What if I disappoint people because their expectations of me are so high? Yes, it's much better to be low key. That is definitely the best personality type and I'm glad I have it while not many other people do.

But being low key leads to so many consequences. We'll never strive for the best. We'll never reach the top. But we still have the desire to be these things.

We imagine our lives before we live them. We want to be the best at something. We can see ourselves being the best at something. And when we're not, it makes us very unhappy. There is always someone higher than us. They manage to have more control of our lives than we do. We want to be important and we want to matter in life and we want people to think about us. But when we realize that we are basically unimportant and people don't even care enough to look down on us we get like really mad or something. We'll never be the best. It's all just a dream. Such a great dream that it would make a great story. Maybe our destiny is to write this great story and in a way we will achieve the life we wanted. But we will probably lose all motivation for it and/or it'll end up being really poorly written and not make any sense because like it's so hard to convey what we think in our heads to what we type on a screen or write on a paper but like, we're still really smart you know!!!!! like don't judge my personality based on this fucking book. Dude, I'm probably waaaaaaaaaay smarter than you but you just don't realize it because you're such a traditional thinker. I just have an evolved sense of thought, one where I don't even need to sound smart to be smart. Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely it. We're definitely smarter. But we're probably not. So why don't we just kill ourselves?

Wait, what about a movie?

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