So the last few entries have gone off the deep end (of this really awesome pool with hot women in it) but I think it's some pretty good shit. I re-read my entire blog and I sound way more idiotic than I thought I did. This is partly due to so many simple grammatical errors which make me sound like a five year old.
So it's like I have a 16 year old's thoughts and sometimes they're said by a 5 year old. Awesome. It's like some dumb kid in high school wrote a bunch of stupid thoughts that were found by his 5 year old brother who brought them into show and tell and read them out loud and the teacher became scared as hell because the word "fuck" was used a lot.
And what is with my tendency to always question myself. It's like I say some statement that I think is important and then I question it so it loses all meaning. It's like I say something like "Maybe objectivity is the reason the universe is not infinite and therefore everything I do has a significant consequence." And then I immediately follow it up with "Or does it?" Which like makes that entire train of thought useless. I don't even know why I do it. I don't think it's clever at all or anything.
But anyway, I'm more motivated to write than ever and I'm starting to get depressed again which is a good thing. My best work was done when I was depressed. Still kinda shitty though.
Damn, I am so awesome. Or am I? lol
------------------
Friday, February 27, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
A Conversation
"Wait, what? What the hell? What the hell is going on?"
"Hello, Mr. Donaldson. You are in your home sitting in your favorite chair, rather comfortably I might add. Trust me, the fact that you are unable to move has no effect on your comfort level. I have removed from your person the trait that all humans have of not being able to sit still in one position for a long time. I realize that what you are experiencing is very close to shattering any preconceptions you had about life, the universe, and everything. For example, you should have realized by now that you are unable to speak. You will also notice that my words are echoing through your mind until fully understand exactly what I'm saying. There is no reason to worry, however, something else you may have noticed. This is only being done to make things easier for you to understand. In a very short while, you will be given back your ability to speak and I will fully answer any questions you have. I can assure you of that. This will continue until you have no more questions. As is obvious to you and any one witnessing this very scene, there is much left to understand. You will now proceed with your question."
"Who are you?"
"Thank you, that is a good and expected question. You are unable to say anything until I fully convey to you the answer. Some people would call me the master of torture. Others will call me a garbage man. Others still would call me electricity incarnate. These are all misnomers. The actions I partake in sometimes involve these descriptions of me but they are hardly enough to convey to you who I actually I am. The other name for me is God. I suppose I fit the some people's definition of God, but I am not sure if I am God. That statement is open to your interpretation. You are smart enough to analyze what that means and use it as proof for whether or not I am God. I control reality and everything else. Everything that you have and have not experienced is presumably a product of my design. Everything that you have done and have not done has been determined by me. Every choice you have made and have not made was actually made by me. I realize that is quite the bombshell. You are staring at everything in the face. But it is the tendency of humans such as yourself to make some sense out of the situation even if it cannot be done. But let's not get too carried away right now. Let's focus on what you know. You are sitting in your favorite chair, in your house, unable to move, and talking to something that is and knows everything. If I do know everything, then there is absolutely no reason for this conversation to take place. I know exactly what you are going to say and exactly how it is going to end. Therefore, I will continue the conversation by myself. Your next question is one that you have already asked. 'What the hell is going on?' This question is vague but fitting. You now have the ability to turn your head to the right. You see your wife sitting on a chair of her own, unable to move because of a tangible rope tied around her. I mentioned earlier that you and any witness to this situation would not be able to understand it. However, your wife is not witnessing this situation. This should be clear to you since the look on her face is not one of confusion but one of horror. Right now you are overcome with emotions and confusion and starting to realize the futility of the situation. While this is precisely the point that I will explain later, it is harming your ability to think rationally and the only questions you can ask are derivatives of your previous question, varying in intensity. And so, I will continue this conversation by asking the questions that you should be asking. Rest assured, I am making it so that you will still understand every word I am saying. What exactly is the situation as your wife sees it? She has been tied up by a group of five gang members and so have you. They are torturing you and making her watch. This torture involves several punches to your face and blows from a hammer to your toes. Why? This is a result of your wife's actions. As you are aware, in her career as an employee of the federal government she has taken several bribes and prayed on the people's fear to get elected to office. Because these actions have had what most humans would call a negative impact on the society that I created, I have decided that some punishment is due. Although one would think the logical form of punishment would be to physically harm or even kill your wife, the only physical pain she well be abject to is the tight rope around her body. The reason for this is easy to understand. It is much more of a punishment for your wife, who loves you very much, to see you brutally murdered than to be physically harmed herself. While physical harm and/or murder would indeed cause her a great deal of pain, the memory of her loving husband being killed right in front of her being imprinted in her mind for the rest of her life is a far greater punishment. Yes, from your wife's perspective, when this is all over the gang members will leave, never be found, and your wife will be able to get out of the confining rope and hold you in her arms as you draw your last breath. From yours and my perspective, you will disappear from the universe in an instant. This is set to happen in 95 seconds. But of course you should not be punished for her actions. This is why you are in a conversation with me rather than actually being brutally murdered. But why didn't I just kill you in an instant without engaging you in an elaborate conversation about your own demise? And if I have the ability to control everything and everything else, then why am I even punishing anyone in the first place? These two questions are connected because I cannot fully answer the first question without answering the second. Part of the reason you are being informed of your own death is because I have decided to punish you as well. While your past actions did not have nearly as much of a negative impact as those of your wife, you should know that they are still worthy of a punishment. I have designed your punishment so that is in accordance with your actions. So while you wife receives a very severe punishment for her actions, you are given the punishment of being informed of your death and knowing that your wife whom you love is watching you die. But you are given the relief of death and all of the mental pain you experience from now until the time of your death will evaporate along with you. I have also put you in a state of extreme comfort in your favorite chair while all of this unfolds. As for the second question, the best answer I can give you is a possibility of answers. It could be that I either do not know the answer or I do not want you to know the answer. I will give you some answers that you can ponder over. One reason for this punishment might be that even though I have this immense power, I am still a human at heart. I still have human notions of free will, separating right from wrong and a belief in justice. I created this universe so that humans had free will and feel the need to punish the people that do the wrong thing. Another reason is that I am a very sadistic being. I created you with the knowledge that all of this would happen and I take pleasure in punishing you for it. But neither of these explanations are sufficient because they do not explain why I am telling you this. So perhaps the best answer is that there is no reason you are being punished. Maybe I just want to show people that I exist. I want to see the look on their face when they realize it. Realize what? Realize that everything they do is inconsequential and futile. Despite all the power struggles that occur throughout the universe, I want them to know that they ultimately submit to me. You have realized that this is exactly what is happening to you. Every aspect of you is determined by my will. This conversation is now close to being over. You are once again given the power of speech will you will use to shout out phrases that do not mean anything. Your wife will not hear anything you say and I will count down, starting with five, to your disappearance from the universe. Five."
"What the fuck?!"
"Four"
"This is crazy. This is insane."
"Three"
"And I'm not in my favorite chair I'm in a fucking bed you asshole."
"Huh. Really?"
----------------------
"Hello, Mr. Donaldson. You are in your home sitting in your favorite chair, rather comfortably I might add. Trust me, the fact that you are unable to move has no effect on your comfort level. I have removed from your person the trait that all humans have of not being able to sit still in one position for a long time. I realize that what you are experiencing is very close to shattering any preconceptions you had about life, the universe, and everything. For example, you should have realized by now that you are unable to speak. You will also notice that my words are echoing through your mind until fully understand exactly what I'm saying. There is no reason to worry, however, something else you may have noticed. This is only being done to make things easier for you to understand. In a very short while, you will be given back your ability to speak and I will fully answer any questions you have. I can assure you of that. This will continue until you have no more questions. As is obvious to you and any one witnessing this very scene, there is much left to understand. You will now proceed with your question."
"Who are you?"
"Thank you, that is a good and expected question. You are unable to say anything until I fully convey to you the answer. Some people would call me the master of torture. Others will call me a garbage man. Others still would call me electricity incarnate. These are all misnomers. The actions I partake in sometimes involve these descriptions of me but they are hardly enough to convey to you who I actually I am. The other name for me is God. I suppose I fit the some people's definition of God, but I am not sure if I am God. That statement is open to your interpretation. You are smart enough to analyze what that means and use it as proof for whether or not I am God. I control reality and everything else. Everything that you have and have not experienced is presumably a product of my design. Everything that you have done and have not done has been determined by me. Every choice you have made and have not made was actually made by me. I realize that is quite the bombshell. You are staring at everything in the face. But it is the tendency of humans such as yourself to make some sense out of the situation even if it cannot be done. But let's not get too carried away right now. Let's focus on what you know. You are sitting in your favorite chair, in your house, unable to move, and talking to something that is and knows everything. If I do know everything, then there is absolutely no reason for this conversation to take place. I know exactly what you are going to say and exactly how it is going to end. Therefore, I will continue the conversation by myself. Your next question is one that you have already asked. 'What the hell is going on?' This question is vague but fitting. You now have the ability to turn your head to the right. You see your wife sitting on a chair of her own, unable to move because of a tangible rope tied around her. I mentioned earlier that you and any witness to this situation would not be able to understand it. However, your wife is not witnessing this situation. This should be clear to you since the look on her face is not one of confusion but one of horror. Right now you are overcome with emotions and confusion and starting to realize the futility of the situation. While this is precisely the point that I will explain later, it is harming your ability to think rationally and the only questions you can ask are derivatives of your previous question, varying in intensity. And so, I will continue this conversation by asking the questions that you should be asking. Rest assured, I am making it so that you will still understand every word I am saying. What exactly is the situation as your wife sees it? She has been tied up by a group of five gang members and so have you. They are torturing you and making her watch. This torture involves several punches to your face and blows from a hammer to your toes. Why? This is a result of your wife's actions. As you are aware, in her career as an employee of the federal government she has taken several bribes and prayed on the people's fear to get elected to office. Because these actions have had what most humans would call a negative impact on the society that I created, I have decided that some punishment is due. Although one would think the logical form of punishment would be to physically harm or even kill your wife, the only physical pain she well be abject to is the tight rope around her body. The reason for this is easy to understand. It is much more of a punishment for your wife, who loves you very much, to see you brutally murdered than to be physically harmed herself. While physical harm and/or murder would indeed cause her a great deal of pain, the memory of her loving husband being killed right in front of her being imprinted in her mind for the rest of her life is a far greater punishment. Yes, from your wife's perspective, when this is all over the gang members will leave, never be found, and your wife will be able to get out of the confining rope and hold you in her arms as you draw your last breath. From yours and my perspective, you will disappear from the universe in an instant. This is set to happen in 95 seconds. But of course you should not be punished for her actions. This is why you are in a conversation with me rather than actually being brutally murdered. But why didn't I just kill you in an instant without engaging you in an elaborate conversation about your own demise? And if I have the ability to control everything and everything else, then why am I even punishing anyone in the first place? These two questions are connected because I cannot fully answer the first question without answering the second. Part of the reason you are being informed of your own death is because I have decided to punish you as well. While your past actions did not have nearly as much of a negative impact as those of your wife, you should know that they are still worthy of a punishment. I have designed your punishment so that is in accordance with your actions. So while you wife receives a very severe punishment for her actions, you are given the punishment of being informed of your death and knowing that your wife whom you love is watching you die. But you are given the relief of death and all of the mental pain you experience from now until the time of your death will evaporate along with you. I have also put you in a state of extreme comfort in your favorite chair while all of this unfolds. As for the second question, the best answer I can give you is a possibility of answers. It could be that I either do not know the answer or I do not want you to know the answer. I will give you some answers that you can ponder over. One reason for this punishment might be that even though I have this immense power, I am still a human at heart. I still have human notions of free will, separating right from wrong and a belief in justice. I created this universe so that humans had free will and feel the need to punish the people that do the wrong thing. Another reason is that I am a very sadistic being. I created you with the knowledge that all of this would happen and I take pleasure in punishing you for it. But neither of these explanations are sufficient because they do not explain why I am telling you this. So perhaps the best answer is that there is no reason you are being punished. Maybe I just want to show people that I exist. I want to see the look on their face when they realize it. Realize what? Realize that everything they do is inconsequential and futile. Despite all the power struggles that occur throughout the universe, I want them to know that they ultimately submit to me. You have realized that this is exactly what is happening to you. Every aspect of you is determined by my will. This conversation is now close to being over. You are once again given the power of speech will you will use to shout out phrases that do not mean anything. Your wife will not hear anything you say and I will count down, starting with five, to your disappearance from the universe. Five."
"What the fuck?!"
"Four"
"This is crazy. This is insane."
"Three"
"And I'm not in my favorite chair I'm in a fucking bed you asshole."
"Huh. Really?"
----------------------
Three Quick Posts
Three quick posts, but this isn't poetry (I hate poetry).
I'm just making up for lost time.
3 quick posts, and this would be the fourth.
But I'm just trying to rationalize things.
I'm just bored -> I'm simply tired -> I'm simply sad -> I'm just not unhappy -> I'm simply awesome
Just as:
2 -> 4 -> 6 equals some ridiculously large number
3 quick posts, but a bitch ain't one.
---
I'm just making up for lost time.
3 quick posts, and this would be the fourth.
But I'm just trying to rationalize things.
I'm just bored -> I'm simply tired -> I'm simply sad -> I'm just not unhappy -> I'm simply awesome
Just as:
2 -> 4 -> 6 equals some ridiculously large number
3 quick posts, but a bitch ain't one.
---
I'm Afraid I'm Just Too Good
"You're so modest!"
"Well, my favorite band is Modest Mouse."
That would be my answer to the hypothetical statement I made (you know, at the beginning of this article, not the title). Would this statement ever be made about me? I would think so, since I think I am a modest person. Because my favorite band is Iron Maiden.
However, as much as I'd like to think that I've used this exact phrasing to start so many sentences in this blog, I'm not so sure if my modesty is because I am a nice person. I think it has more to do with me being unable to handle the pressure of being proud of myself.
This is not the same as being afraid of failure. I will not hesitate to do something because I am afraid of failing. It is more of a result of me being uncomfortable in every situation where I was shown to be really good at something. Bare in mind these situations are very rare so there's another reason for my modesty.
At some point in time, I lost all will to be competitive or ambitious.
Anyway, I'm just uncomfortable at being good at something. What if I disappoint people because their expectations of me are so high? Yes, it's much better to be low key. That is definitely the best personality type and I'm glad I have it while not many other people do.
But being low key leads to so many consequences. We'll never strive for the best. We'll never reach the top. But we still have the desire to be these things.
We imagine our lives before we live them. We want to be the best at something. We can see ourselves being the best at something. And when we're not, it makes us very unhappy. There is always someone higher than us. They manage to have more control of our lives than we do. We want to be important and we want to matter in life and we want people to think about us. But when we realize that we are basically unimportant and people don't even care enough to look down on us we get like really mad or something. We'll never be the best. It's all just a dream. Such a great dream that it would make a great story. Maybe our destiny is to write this great story and in a way we will achieve the life we wanted. But we will probably lose all motivation for it and/or it'll end up being really poorly written and not make any sense because like it's so hard to convey what we think in our heads to what we type on a screen or write on a paper but like, we're still really smart you know!!!!! like don't judge my personality based on this fucking book. Dude, I'm probably waaaaaaaaaay smarter than you but you just don't realize it because you're such a traditional thinker. I just have an evolved sense of thought, one where I don't even need to sound smart to be smart. Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely it. We're definitely smarter. But we're probably not. So why don't we just kill ourselves?
Wait, what about a movie?
---
"Well, my favorite band is Modest Mouse."
That would be my answer to the hypothetical statement I made (you know, at the beginning of this article, not the title). Would this statement ever be made about me? I would think so, since I think I am a modest person. Because my favorite band is Iron Maiden.
However, as much as I'd like to think that I've used this exact phrasing to start so many sentences in this blog, I'm not so sure if my modesty is because I am a nice person. I think it has more to do with me being unable to handle the pressure of being proud of myself.
This is not the same as being afraid of failure. I will not hesitate to do something because I am afraid of failing. It is more of a result of me being uncomfortable in every situation where I was shown to be really good at something. Bare in mind these situations are very rare so there's another reason for my modesty.
At some point in time, I lost all will to be competitive or ambitious.
Anyway, I'm just uncomfortable at being good at something. What if I disappoint people because their expectations of me are so high? Yes, it's much better to be low key. That is definitely the best personality type and I'm glad I have it while not many other people do.
But being low key leads to so many consequences. We'll never strive for the best. We'll never reach the top. But we still have the desire to be these things.
We imagine our lives before we live them. We want to be the best at something. We can see ourselves being the best at something. And when we're not, it makes us very unhappy. There is always someone higher than us. They manage to have more control of our lives than we do. We want to be important and we want to matter in life and we want people to think about us. But when we realize that we are basically unimportant and people don't even care enough to look down on us we get like really mad or something. We'll never be the best. It's all just a dream. Such a great dream that it would make a great story. Maybe our destiny is to write this great story and in a way we will achieve the life we wanted. But we will probably lose all motivation for it and/or it'll end up being really poorly written and not make any sense because like it's so hard to convey what we think in our heads to what we type on a screen or write on a paper but like, we're still really smart you know!!!!! like don't judge my personality based on this fucking book. Dude, I'm probably waaaaaaaaaay smarter than you but you just don't realize it because you're such a traditional thinker. I just have an evolved sense of thought, one where I don't even need to sound smart to be smart. Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely it. We're definitely smarter. But we're probably not. So why don't we just kill ourselves?
Wait, what about a movie?
---
Viral Marketing
Several quotes. Minimal use of adjectives. A lot of violence.
A man approaches a courtyard filled with people. He is carrying a sword. "There is nothing special about the sword. However, it is very shiny." He is wearing some type of combat suit. It is sleek and dark. He is wearing a helmet. It has a computer interface similar to the one in movies like Terminator or Iron Man. He kills everyone in the courtyard.
Really weird stuff happens on the internet. Nothing to cause a commotion. Admins of popular forums are locked out of their admin panel. Things that don't seem to be possible start to happen. Webpages melt. There is a short period of time, around one or two minutes, where websites behave in strange ways. They transform into MS Paint while still retaining their website properties. The website still manages to function as the website is being updated with crude drawings of ejaculating penises by millions of people in real-time. Everything goes back to normal after the time limit is up. A large smiley face appears on the top of the screen. Clicking the smiley face leads to a webpage with an incomprehensible URL. Something to the order of2937FLOhhatpod/af;O&9jf(6rw088w4++297%%4@/{}7 except even more fucked up. On the website there is a giant indescerinable image. It a square whose real-life size is 20x20 inches. This happens on several websites and the smiley face on each one links to a different URL with a different image.
Tone changes. People are confused but not scared. Because there is nothing to be scared about. People are simply wondering how these strange but harmless things are happening. There's a strange website on the internet that only has one message on it. It says, "Tomorrow, A GIANT WILL FALL." Tomorrow....something weird happens.
So, while everyone is kind of having fun and laughing about all this weird shit, nothing really seems to happen. But maybe reality is altered. Maybe memories are wiped? One day, the world is filled with peace and people no longer need anything to survive. The next day, all these fuckin nukes go off and it looks really awesome but probably sucks really bad for the people that got nuked. A high level understanding is reached because the sudden change of reality really motivates people and tickles their brain into thinking at an even higher capacity as they see the universe and the fundamental particles that make it up while the four fundamental forces, each of which obviously operates at a different scale and allow atoms to combine, genes to evolve, numbers to be counted, people to see, hear, smell, touch, taste, and people to think.
There is a distinction made between sense and nonsense. Between absurdity and truth.
---
A man approaches a courtyard filled with people. He is carrying a sword. "There is nothing special about the sword. However, it is very shiny." He is wearing some type of combat suit. It is sleek and dark. He is wearing a helmet. It has a computer interface similar to the one in movies like Terminator or Iron Man. He kills everyone in the courtyard.
Really weird stuff happens on the internet. Nothing to cause a commotion. Admins of popular forums are locked out of their admin panel. Things that don't seem to be possible start to happen. Webpages melt. There is a short period of time, around one or two minutes, where websites behave in strange ways. They transform into MS Paint while still retaining their website properties. The website still manages to function as the website is being updated with crude drawings of ejaculating penises by millions of people in real-time. Everything goes back to normal after the time limit is up. A large smiley face appears on the top of the screen. Clicking the smiley face leads to a webpage with an incomprehensible URL. Something to the order of2937FLOhhatpod/af;O&9jf(6rw088w4++297%%4@/{}7 except even more fucked up. On the website there is a giant indescerinable image. It a square whose real-life size is 20x20 inches. This happens on several websites and the smiley face on each one links to a different URL with a different image.
Tone changes. People are confused but not scared. Because there is nothing to be scared about. People are simply wondering how these strange but harmless things are happening. There's a strange website on the internet that only has one message on it. It says, "Tomorrow, A GIANT WILL FALL." Tomorrow....something weird happens.
So, while everyone is kind of having fun and laughing about all this weird shit, nothing really seems to happen. But maybe reality is altered. Maybe memories are wiped? One day, the world is filled with peace and people no longer need anything to survive. The next day, all these fuckin nukes go off and it looks really awesome but probably sucks really bad for the people that got nuked. A high level understanding is reached because the sudden change of reality really motivates people and tickles their brain into thinking at an even higher capacity as they see the universe and the fundamental particles that make it up while the four fundamental forces, each of which obviously operates at a different scale and allow atoms to combine, genes to evolve, numbers to be counted, people to see, hear, smell, touch, taste, and people to think.
There is a distinction made between sense and nonsense. Between absurdity and truth.
---
Reverse Psychosis
There is a man named Frank. He really likes bowling. But he is really bad at it.
He has a friend named Joe. He likes bowling too and is pretty good at it. He invites Joe to go bowling with him and his other friends a lot of times.
Frank really likes bowling so he goes. But his scores are so bad and always feels embarrassed because of it. This makes Joe and his other friends uncomfortable as they try to lift Frank's spirits while at the same time wishing he would just quit bowling.
Frank is very aware of this so decides to do something about it. He no longer goes bowling with Joe and tells him that he doesn't like it anymore. Of course, this is not true. Frank still loves bowling and is always tempted to go. But by declining the offer, he avoids the uncomfortable situation and conditions himself for a lifestyle without bowling. But, maybe, a life of happiness.
---
He has a friend named Joe. He likes bowling too and is pretty good at it. He invites Joe to go bowling with him and his other friends a lot of times.
Frank really likes bowling so he goes. But his scores are so bad and always feels embarrassed because of it. This makes Joe and his other friends uncomfortable as they try to lift Frank's spirits while at the same time wishing he would just quit bowling.
Frank is very aware of this so decides to do something about it. He no longer goes bowling with Joe and tells him that he doesn't like it anymore. Of course, this is not true. Frank still loves bowling and is always tempted to go. But by declining the offer, he avoids the uncomfortable situation and conditions himself for a lifestyle without bowling. But, maybe, a life of happiness.
---
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